


In The Right Mind

by Tori_Scribbles



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Apologies, Arthur Isn't Totally Oblivious, Arthur Just Wants Them All To Be Okay, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Families of Choice, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Insecurity, Missing Scene, Post-Episode: s04e08 Lamia, Protective Arthur, Protective Knights (Merlin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:07:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23971294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tori_Scribbles/pseuds/Tori_Scribbles
Summary: After the effects of the lamia wear off, the knights seek to make amends.
Relationships: Elyan & Merlin (Merlin), Gwaine & Merlin (Merlin), Knights of the Round Table & Merlin (Merlin), Leon & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Percival (Kingsman)
Comments: 30
Kudos: 546
Collections: Emrys is a mess





	In The Right Mind

**Author's Note:**

> So, quarantine has led me to rewatching Merlin and that lead me to this... which may or may not be the only Merlin fic I write, I haven't decided yet.  
> This is set right after the Lamia debacle when they're still in Longstead.
> 
> This is all [Tattered_Dreams'](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tattered_Dreams/pseuds/Tattered_Dreams) fault.

The village of Longstead was quiet at night, the crackling fireplace keeping the spring chill at bay. It was Merlin’s turn to stay up and watch over the knights, letting Gaius and Gwen get some rest before they’re journey back to Camelot the next day. The knights were almost fully recovered from the effects of the Lamia but there was still the occasional headache and bout of confusion.

Merlin didn’t mind staying up, it gave him time to think - which Arthur probably would’ve said was a bad idea but still, he closed his eyes and replayed the days in his mind. He’d have to look up creatures that could control minds and emotions when he got back to his castle and figure out what he’d missed and what he could do next time to better protect the knights.

“Sleeping on the job?” 

Merlin’s eyes snapped open at Elyan’s voice, despite the hushed tone he used.

“No,” he said, “just thinking. How’re you feeling?”

Elyan lowered himself into the chair opposite Merlin’s with a slight wince but nodded. “Better,” he said, “my mind’s clearer at least.” 

“That’s good,” Merlin replied, watching the knight. The tension that had risen up in him under Lamia’s control had gone, leaving him looking weary and slightly defeated.

“Gwen told me you saved her life,” Elyan started quietly, “she said you saved all of us. Thank you. After the way we treated you, you-” 

“It wasn’t you,” Merlin assured him.

“Still,” he went on, “I’m sorry for my part. It’s important you know that the things we said, the way we acted, it’s not the way we feel.” 

Out of all the knights Elyan had been the calmest before he was attacked but still, Merlin remembers the look of hurt that had flashed across Gwen’s face when her brother had snapped at her.

“You were enchanted, it wasn’t your fault,” he said. “Gwen and I both know that.” 

Elyan’s lips twitched slightly in a smile and he nodded. “I’m glad,” he said, “and Merlin, it was brave of you to get in between us like that. Foolish. But brave.” 

Merlin gave him a smile that he hoped conveyed some type of reassurance. “I know none of you would hurt me,” he said even though his mind reminded him of Percival looming over him and Leon lashing out. He did know. That in their right minds, none of them meant anybody any harm. Merlin would just have to remind himself of that for a while.

Outside light started to crack through the windows as dawn broke and the birds started to come to life. Soon the farmers would be out to tend to their animals and they’d all be packing up to start the journey back to Camelot. Merlin just hoped that when they were all back home that things would start to go back to normal.

-oOo-

The day warmed as the sun rose higher overhead, they were shielded by the shade of the trees as they trekked through the forest, giving the journey a strange sense of peacefulness that made Merlin’s skin crawl. Arthur kept shooting them concerned looks every time he commented on something but not even Gwaine would rise to the bait of giving him some elaborate and ridiculous answer. 

It wasn’t until they stopped to make camp and Merlin made seeing to his horse take twice as long as it should do that Arthur called out to him. “Come on, Merlin! I’ve seen twelve year olds untack a horse faster.” 

Merlin didn’t even roll his eyes, he just wanted to avoid the awkward looks the knights kept shooting him for a little longer. “Coming, Sire,” he replied, brushing a final hand over his horses back to smooth out the nonexistent marks the saddle left before he turned back to the camp, laying his bedding roll out near Arthur’s. 

“Are you alright, Merlin?” Arthur asked, not trying to keep his voice quiet as Merlin straightened out his blankets a little more than necessary as he felt several sets of eyes fix on him. The knights had all been keeping their distance as they dealt with the after effects of the enchantment and they all kept giving Merlin strange looks that despite his best efforts to avoid them, Merlin kept catching. 

“I’m fine,” Merlin said, rolling his eyes at Arthur’s frown. “Really, the world didn’t end just because you weren’t around for a couple of days.” Merlin gave what he hoped was an exasperated shake of his head despite the fact that it was all going incredibly badly until Arthur had gotten there.

But Merlin was still glad. Dealing with the knight's anger and bitterness was one thing but if it had been Arthur that had been so distrustful of him, Merlin knew that would’ve hurt so much more.

A small part of his mind wondered if that was the sort of anger he’d face if they found out about his magic but he pushed it aside. There was no point in thinking about that because it wasn’t going to happen, not any time soon anyway.

Arthur gave him another long look and Merlin knew he was debating whether to pursue the issue or not and Merlin was thankful when he didn’t.

He was grateful at the distraction that making supper brought, Gwen and Elyan joined him, helping to prepare the pheasants they’d caught on the journey while Gaius checked over the peoples healing injuries and redressed the wound on Leon’s arm.

When the fire started to burn down to glowing embers and Merlin cast a glance to their dwindling log pile with a sigh. He pushed himself up to his feet. “I’m going to get more firewood,” he said, getting a slight nod of acknowledgement from Arthur who turned back to Gaius and what sounded like an intricate discussion on magical creatures.

“I’ll come with you,” Leon said, standing up and Merlin’s eyes only flickered to the sword in his hand for a second. 

“You don’t have to,” he tried, “I’m not going far.” 

Leon shook his head. “We don’t know what else could be out here,” he said. 

Merlin shot a glance to Arthur who glanced up at them and nodded in agreement. “He’s right, don’t go far.” 

Admitting defeat with a slight sigh Merlin made his way out of camp letting the knight follow after him.

Once they got far enough away from the trail Merlin started gathering up fallen sticks in his arms, silently wishing Leon would just go back to camp so he could do this a lot faster and with a lot less awkwardness.

Leon was stood back, picking up a stray stick here or there but Merlin could feel his gaze on him.

“Merlin,” he said finally, his voice quiet but grave.

“Yeah, just a few more,” Merlin brushed him off.

“Look, Merlin,” Leon tried again and Merlin hesitated, “I don’t remember all of what happened when Lamia was enchanting us but from what I recall the way we treated you - the way I treated you, was unforgivable.” 

Merlin straightened up, adjusting the branches in his arms with his back still to him. “It was nothing really.” Merlin could hear the anger in Leon’s voice when he’d reminded him of his place, he could still feel the heat of the torch brushing against his cheek as Leon had swung for him. Not for the first time, Merlin wondered if the lamia’s powers had just brought to the surface everything the knights had pushed down.

“It’s important you know that what I said, the way I acted, has no bearing to how I feel. Your opinions and actions are just as important as ours. You’re in no way lesser because you’re a servant,” Leon said with such sincerity that Merlin couldn’t help but smile slightly.

Merlin turned to him and nodded. “Thank you,” he said because he didn’t know what else to say.

“You come on these quests with us but without the armour and swords and you never waver…” Leon’s expression softened, his eyes shining. “It should’ve been you whom Arthur knighted.” 

Leon wasn’t the first person to have said something like that to Merlin but usually, it was a throwaway comment or an off-handed joke that he could brush away but there was something about _Leon_ being the one to say it with such sincerity that made Merlin almost feel embarrassed.

He remembered Leon when he first came to Camelot, the perfect soldier and knight, never questioning an order and never doubting the hierarchy of Court. He’d always been kind to Merlin but he’d also never really given him much time. He seemed so much more settled now under Arthur’s command. Maybe Gwaine had just been a bad influence and ruined Leon’s perception of propriety.

Merlin cracked a grin. “Arthur wouldn’t last a day without me,” he joked and Leon laughed, his shoulders visibly sagging in relief as the air lightened between them.

“He’d be insufferable with George full time,” Leon agreed as they started to head back towards their camp.

“You mean _more_ insufferable than usual,” Merlin quipped, making Leon laugh again.

“Don’t let him hear you say that,” he replied as they walked past the horses.

Merlin joined in with his laughter. “Oh, don’t worry,” he said, “Arthur’s heard me say way worse things about him.” 

“What’re you saying about me this time?” Arthur called out from where he was still lounging back by the fire, now with a bowl of stew in his hands the Gwen had started to serve out.

Merlin cracked a grin. “Oh, you know, the usual,” he said, “that you’re a clotpole and wouldn’t last five minutes without me.” 

Arthur scoffed. “And as always you give yourself far too much credit, Merlin,” he said lightly but he was looking between Merlin and Leon seriously and whatever he saw there made the tension in his shoulders ease slightly.

Merlin dropped the firewood down in a heap and accepted one of the bowls Elyan held out to him as he settled down in front of the fire next to Leon, trying not to let his eyes linger worriedly on Gwaine who pushed himself up to his feet on Leon’s other side and walked away, muttering an excuse under his breath.

-oOo-

Merlin wasn’t scared of Percival. 

He knew he could take down the larger man without breaking a sweat and more importantly he knew he’d never have to when the knight wasn’t bewitched because although Percival was a giant, he was one of most gentle of men Merlin had ever known.

But still, as he reached out towards Merlin to help take a saddle bag he was dropping, Merlin found himself jerking away before he even realised what he was doing.

“I-” Percival broke off, a look of pain flashing across his face as he lowered his hand away and Merlin felt instantly guilty.

He knew Percival meant him no harm but he couldn’t help but remember the stab of fear that had twisted in his gut as Percival had shoved him away threateningly in the woods or the way that he’d looked at him with such disdain with Lamia curled in his arms.

“I’m sorry,” Merlin said, his voice a little cracked.

Percival shook his head, glancing towards where the others were heading up the castle steps and inside and Merlin followed his gaze. Arthur was stood halfway up talking to Leon and when Merlin caught his eye Arthur seemed to frown but for once didn’t hurry Merlin along.

“It is I who should be sorry,” Percival said, looking down as he unnecessarily folded his gloves in his hands. “I know Gauis said that we stood no chance resisting Lami- _the_ lamia’s powers but we never should’ve treated you like that.” 

“Percival, it’s okay,” Merlin said, “I understand it wasn’t really you.” 

Percival looked up at him but his head was still bowed in shame. “I know. But you must know that in my right mind I wouldn’t- I won’t ever lash out at you like that,” he said solemnly and Merlin gave a slight smile. He really was a giant softy.

“You would never hurt anyone without cause,” Merlin assured him, “I know that.” 

Percival smiled but it was still tight as his eyes flicked away uncertainly. “I can’t help but think that if he were still here then Lancelot would’ve been able to resist her charms. He’d have listened to you.” 

Merlin’s heart ached at the reminder of their fallen friend. He hoped that if he were here then Lancelot would’ve taken his side, knowing what Merlin couldn’t say aloud and believed in him. But he also knew that realistically, Lancelot would’ve stood a no better chance against her than the other knights had.

“Maybe,” Merlin said softly, trying not to let himself sink into the pit of grief that he’d spent months trying to push away. Merlin was certain that if he were here and had been affected then he would’ve been the first to have made amends unable to stand a rift between them.

His eyes couldn’t help but find Gwaine across the courtyard, digging through his saddlebags for something while a stablehand waited next to him clearly uncomfortable. Merlin bore Gwaine no ill will but Gwaine wouldn’t even hold Merlin’s gaze. While they’d been travelling, he’d been quiet unless directly spoken too and even then they’d only gotten short, sharp replies. Everyone knew he was in a mood but nobody could try and get him out of it without getting their heads bitten off.

“Give him time,” Percival said softly as he followed his gaze. “Gwaine… he cares for you. He’s used to apologising for stupid decisions he makes.” 

“I don’t need him to apologise,” Merlin said, “none of you had to. There’s nothing to forgive, I know that they weren’t your decisions.” 

“But your forgiveness might make it easier for us to forgive ourselves,” he said gravely and Merlin looked back to him sadly. He didn’t want the knights to feel guilty over this, he was the one who couldn’t protect them from the enchantment.

“You have it,” he said anyway. “And I’ll tell Gwaine the same thing.” 

Percival gave a soft chuckle, reaching out to take the saddlebag from Merlin’s arms and this time he let him. “Good luck getting it through his thick skull.” 

Merlin laughed as they headed up the steps. “He can’t be worse than Arthur.”

“He might surprise you.” 

-oOo-

When Gwaine didn’t show up for a council meeting the next day nobody thought much of it. They were boring affairs that Gwaine only put up with when there was an immediate threat and even then he sniped his way through them with his usual flare. But when he didn’t show up for training the morning after that the mood changed.

Looks of concern and question were shot between the knights and Elyan was there with an excuse when Arthur questioned his absence.

“He has a headache, Sire. He sends his apologies,” he said, a lie that would’ve been convincing if: a - Merlin didn’t know Gwaine had been in the tavern the night before or b - he didn’t know that Gwaine had shown up for training just hours after getting magically slammed into a wall and knocked unconscious one time. A headache wasn’t going to keep him away.

“A headache,” Arthur repeated, clearly just as unconvinced by the lie. “Right.” 

Training went on and nobody said anymore about it.

When they were done on the field and they were back in Arthur’s chambers Merlin inspected his armour for any damage while Arthur washed up.

“You can have a couple of hours off while I’m in this council meeting,” Arthur said casually from behind the screen and Merlin’s head shot up in surprise.

“Er-” 

Maybe Arthur was the one who’d been enchanted this time if he was going around giving afternoons off now.

“Don’t sound so grateful,” Arthur said sounding put out.

“Thank you, Sire,” Merlin tried again, “what’s the occasion? My birthday isn’t for another few months.” 

Not that Arthur usually gave Merlin the day off for his birthday anyway.

“It’s only while I’m in this meeting, don’t get too excited,” he said pointedly as he stepped out from behind the screen in a fresh set of clothes. “You haven’t been to the tavern in a while, perhaps you should go there.” 

Merlin’s fingers hesitated where he was straightening the chainmail out across the table. It was the middle of the afternoon. Had Gaius really told that lie so many times that Arthur was starting to think that Merlin couldn’t go an afternoon without a trip to the tavern?

“Why-” 

“Just go Merlin,” Arthur said, “have a drink with some friends.” Merlin narrowed his eyes in suspicion, running through various reasons as to why Arthur was suddenly encouraging him to go out instead of stay and clean his armour or carry out some other menial task. “Perhaps while you’re there you can send any missing knights back to the castle.” 

Oh.

Merlin sighed finally conceding. “Alright,” he said, “try not to do anything stupid until I get back.” 

“Will you ever care that I’m your king?” 

Merlin pretended to think about it with a hum. “Probably not.”

He finished up going over Arthur’s armour before heading out of the castle and into the outskirts of the village, following the familiar path to the tavern.

It was still too early for it to be busy on a working day but there were still a couple of people Merlin recognised as castle guards having a drink while they were off-shift. Tucked away at the back corner at their usual table was Gwaine, hunched over a tankard of ale. His greasy hair hung down in front of his face, his sword lying unsheathed next to him on the table.

Merlin was uncertain as to why Gwaine had taken recent events harder than the other knights but he also wasn’t sure it mattered. He just knew that it couldn’t go on.

He stepped further into the tavern, waving away Rosalie when she moved forwards to pour him a drink.

Gwaine looked up at him as he dropped into the seat opposite him and sunk back into his seat as he took a long swig of ale. “What’re you doing here, Merlin?” he asked tiredly.

“Everyone was wondering the same thing about you,” Merlin replied, wondering if Gwaine had been there all night.

“I’m drinking,” he replied pointedly while taking another drink. “What does it look like?”

“Like you’re avoiding your problems?” Merlin suggested.

“Mmm,” Gwaine hummed. “I am pretty good at that.” 

“Look, if this is about the lamia controlling you, it wasn’t your fault,” Merlin said, “nobody thinks any different of you.” 

“Yeah, well maybe I think differently of myself,” Gwaine said. His words slurring together told Merlin exactly how long he’d been drinking if Gwaine’s exceptionally high alcohol tolerance had been hit. 

Merlin frowned. “Why?” 

Gwaine’s thumbs traced patterns across the lip of the near-empty tankard and his eyes fixated on the movements. Merlin gave him time.

“When I became a Knight of Camelot,” he began after a moment, his accent lilting his words softly, “I swore to myself that it was because I earned it. It wasn’t some title given to me because of where I was born and I swore to myself that I wouldn’t be like the knights I’d known before. I wouldn’t put myself above those who had less just because I was more fortunate.” 

“It wasn’t you though, those thoughts were manipulated-” 

“By the lamia, I know.” Gwaine nodded. “But what if they weren’t all from her. What if I become… corrupted like Carleon’s men were.” 

Gwaine’s past came up so little that sometimes it was easy for Merlin to forget where he’d come from and why he’d turned his back on a noble life. He hadn’t wanted to be the arrogant person who ruled above others because of his status but that was exactly what the lamia had made him. Angry and greedy.

“Gwaine that’s never going to happen,” Merlin said, certain of himself. “You always put others before yourself, whether the king or a servant. That’s clear to everybody. You being a knight hasn’t changed it and it never will. It was how we knew you’d been enchanted, it was so out of character for you to be that way.”

A ghost of a smile brushed over Gwaine’s lips and Merlin just hoped that he would actually hear what he was saying and wouldn’t brush it off in an hour to go back to moping.

They were silent for a moment as the words started to sink in until Gwaine’s hands fell away from his drink.

“Why do you think it didn’t affect you or Gwen?” he finally asked. “Was she just targeting us because we were knights or…” 

“I don’t know,” Merlin lied and not for the first time he felt bad for the deception when the truth would ease his friend’s pain.

“Perhaps it was us and not her,” Gwaine suggested, that all familiar teasing smile played at his lips. “Maybe we were drawn to her in a way that you or Gwen weren’t.” 

Merlin was almost certain that that had absolutely no bearing on the lamia’s powers whatsoever but the implication still made him flush. “I don’t think that’s how it works,” he said.

Gwaine’s expression softened into something more serious, looking across the table at Merlin, his eyes shone with a hint of suggestion. “Or maybe it was something else protecting you.” 

Merlin’s heart seemed to stutter in his chest and he wasn’t sure if he wanted Gwaine to elaborate or not. “I don’t know what else it could be,” he said, the brush off so easy after the years of use.

Gwaine held his gaze for another beat too long before his expression cracked into that easy grin of his. “Nah, she knew better than to go for your pretty face. She just wanted something a little rougher around the edges.” 

Merlin rolled his eyes as he let himself relax and the usual charade went on. “Yeah, maybe she just didn’t have any taste at all,” he shot back.

“Well, you’d know.” 

It felt good to laugh easily at Gwaine’s gentle jibes about the past. 

He shook his head. “Come on, we should get back to the castle,” he said. “Arthur only gave me a couple of hours off and you should probably sleep that ale off before training tomorrow.” 

Gwaine slid his sword back into its scabbard and Merlin decided he really didn’t want to know why it had been drawn in the first place. 

“Arthur’s just worried I’ll best him with a little ale in me and it’ll ruin his image,” Gwaine said, tossing a few more gold coins than necessary down on the table before they headed out.

The image that his imagination supplied did amuse Merlin, but he pushed it away with a shake of his head. “Yeah, maybe let’s not put it to the test though,” he suggested.

Gwaine swung an arm around Merlin’s shoulders, drawing him into his side with a laugh as they started the walk back up to the castle. “You ruin all my fun, you know that?”

As they stepped into the courtyard, they both caught sight of the other knights gathered together on the steps in the afternoon sun. Apparently Merlin wasn’t the only one who’d managed to get out of the council meeting.

A hand ruffled through Merlin’s hair and he tried to swat Gwaine away with a disgruntled sound but the knight just laughed.

“Go find Arthur before some lord calls him soft and he starts something he shouldn’t,” Gwaine said, “I’ve got some training to catch up on.” 

“I don’t think I’m going to be much help with that,” Merlin said and Gwaine turned back around to face him, walking backwards towards the others with a flourish.

“I don’t know, I think you’re more help than people give you credit for.” 

Merlin smiled in reply, watching Gwaine stride off to join their friends, his red cloak billowing confidently behind him. His eyes lingered on them as Gwaine was greeted with smiles and a pat on the shoulder from Percival. Elyan waved at Merlin from where he was lounging back on the steps and Merlin returned it with one of his own content in knowing that they’d all be alright in time.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are always appreciated ♥


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